I try to make mental lists of things that make me happy every so often, just in case I have a bad day.

( What am I anxious about? Jobs, papers, group projects... )

( Things to make me happy: visas, interviews, shopping wins, and free dinner & drinks. )

 Update on the whole France-job-application thing. 

I checked my e-mail this morning, at 9:20am Ottawa time (that's 7:20am here). I had an e-mail back from the Madame at the French embassy in Ottawa about that piece of paper. She had e-mailed me back probably within the first ten minutes of her shift. :)

She couldn't read the file (the scanned version of the sheet that needed to be signed). BUT she requested another version. Which said to me: hey, not all hope is lost! If my application was that bad, she would have probably just gotten fed up and said not to bother, right? Right. So I sent her several more versions in different kinds of image files. Still, no dice: the image was "flou" (a French word that means roughly "blurred, fuzzy, vague"). I sent her a different scan of it in the hope that the quality of that one would be better... but no. I found out later that while my handwriting was nice and clear, because the sheet itself is PINK (cursed colour-coded bureaucracy!) the rest of the text just wasn't showing up. As other people have to actually sign this form, this is no good. My scanner is very, very old, and not the best quality. I got no response to my last e-mail. For like an hour.

Checking the time, I realized that maybe she had gone to a meeting or to lunch. I mean, I couldn't expect her to hang at her desk for hours on end paying attention to me and my troubles, right? Anyway, I had to get to class, so as a last-ditch effort, I used the fax machine in the family's office room for the first time. I'd noticed that the Madame had had a fax number in the signature of her e-mail, and I didn't know what else to do. I sent the woman an e-mail explaining that I'd sent her a fax... but I got no response. 

For hours. 

I'd brought my laptop to school, but I just got more and more anxious at the lack of reply. (Last night I couldn't get to sleep for nearly two or three hours, I was so anxious about all of this). I couldn't have done anything more than what I'd already done, though. :( 

Then, after my last class ended just before 3pm (AKA just before 5pm, or home-time in Ottawa), I thought "screw it!" and phoned the long-distance number to the French embassy on my cell. The madame I'd been e-mailing picked up on the third ring. I politely explained who I was in French (I amazed myself at how calm, collected, and FLUENT I sounded, hellz yes) and she explained that the fax HAD worked! :D And that she was sending off my application to France this week! :D (I think she'd just forgotten to send an e-mail explaining this fact. BUT ANYWAY...!)

So, in summation: IT WORKED! EVERYTHING IS ALL RIGHT! I MAY STILL BE IN THE RUNNING FOR THIS JOB! I didn't ruin my application because I forgot one measly signature! The hours of stress and attention to my e-mail inbox over the past day have paid off!

But man, this application is giving me mood whiplash. Elated/excited to deep panic and fear and then excitement again! D: I'll still be really amazed if I get an interview... though I still hold out hope! We'll see how they like me in France.

On a completely different note, I spent some time this afternoon going over baby pictures of my twin sister and I with my mother. :) It gave me a good, well-needed dose of the warm-fuzzies.

Anyway, on that subject, here are a few things to cheer you (and me) up: 

Tutorial for how to make a cupcake fondue! 

Red pandas playing the snow in a Japanese zoo!

High definition video of a kitten jumping and playing in snow motion, with beautiful inspiring African music in the background!

Heartwarming story of a pseudo-tame lion released into the wild. LION HUGS!

 So after this past stressful week... I'm finally getting stuff done! 

( Things I have achieved )

( Things I still have to worry about )

( Things to make me happy )

I honestly am not sure if this was a bad day or not. I think, although it started off rough, it ended off half-decently. Let's break it down...

Bad stuff:
-woke up with a headache. Haven't had alcohol in weeks, so this wasn't a good sign.

-woke up tired, had to get out of bed.

-started sneezing, sometimes so violently my tummy hurts when I suddenly bend over double. :P

-I've gone all sniffly, and my cough hasn't gone away. Verdict? I have a cold. :( WHY, BODY?? THIS MONTH IS THE HOME STRETCH! DON'T GIVE IN NOW!

-It's cold again. -20C or so for most of the day, overcast, with lots of wind and snow. It's rumoured on facebook that factoring in the windchill, tonight it's going to reach -47C (!!)

-I didn't realize until I'd already gotten on the bus this morning that I'd forgotten my bus pass. :( That never happens to me.

-One of the girls in the group project that I'm working on for Women's Studies didn't show up to our brainstorming session. I'm worried that she'll be dead weight and ride on our coattails for a good mark. 

GOOD STUFF:
-Met an old friend of mine at the bus stop (an old bus buddy! We used to take the same bus all the time!) and ended up debating feminist theory for the hour-long bus ride. Epic. I love it when you can have smart, rational conversations with people. Very entertaining, and a good mental workout. Woke me up. 

-Although I forgot my bus pass, the first bus driver recognized me and let me on for free anyway, even giving me a transfer ticket so I could get onto the commuter bus for Edmonton for free! :) Of course, when I went to take the bus home at 3:00 after class, it was a grumpy elderly gentlemen driver that I didn't know, so I coughed up one of my commuter bus tickets from the summertime, which I still happened to have in my wallet. It's a good thing I'm a packrat and I avoid opportunities to clean out old stuff. >_> 

-I visited the Special Collections room in the Health Sciences library and spent some time with my favourite giant tomes, working on my thesis. Also, STAY TUNED FOR ANOTHER BLOG POST ON THAT, now with photographs! You are all very excited, I know

-Despite missing one person, the other two members of my assigned group seemed to have their act together. One girl was a science student and didn't really know how to research arts faculty papers, but me and the other guy gave her some pointers, and anyway she offered to create the powerpoint with our input because she has lots of practice with that. Less work for me! At the very  least I'm not carrying the whole group on my back, which has happened before. :P These other two seem all right! 

-Although I was very anxious about trying to chase down a French professor from last year to fill in a short piece of paper that says that I can speak French and English competently so I can apply for this job in France, and I had resigned myself to waiting on campus until 4:00pm for his office hours... I went to his office just to see if he had his hours posted on the door (hoping that they were earlier so I could go home and sleep), he walked up just as I was checking! And then he signed the paper and gave me a lovely paragraph-long review. :) I wasn't even expecting him to remember me very well, although I did take two French translation classes with him, but he remembered my name and the classes without prompting! :) He also asked me many questions about what I was going hoping to do in France, and I answered him fluently. The entire conversation took place in French. I felt strong. :) (I still have to chase down one more prof, though.) 

-In my History of Translation class, I got my first paper back! That was the one on the Métis translator who wouldn't take shit from anyone. I got an A+! :) She really liked it. Her comments were all like "fascinating!" and such. :) This makes me feel a bit better, although I'm still anxious for my midterm mark, which we will get back on Wednesday. Fingers crossed!

Anyway, so I'm now back at home and although I still feel sickly, I've had some honeyed tea and my little brother made me supper. (Kraft Dinner AKA Canadian macaroni & cheese, but hey, little steps.)

Stay tuned for a blog post that I've been wanting to make for a long long while...

 So beckyh2112  got me thinking about lists, and organizing my thoughts and goals, etc., in time for the new year. :) 

Awesome things that happened to me in 2010:
-For the first time in my life, I managed to actually KEEP a new year's resolution! This bodes well for the future. I vowed to take up push-ups: I began in January barely able to do one set of five knee push-ups at a time, and now I tend to do sets of thirty or thirty-five in a day. I think that I'll keep going with this, working my way up to fifty at a time by the end of school this April. :3
-I figured out a topic for my thesis! (Now, to actually WORK on it...) I've kept up with the honour's programme, which means that I have consistently kept a ridiculously high GPA... through lots of hard work. I just have to keep it up for one more semester... 
-Everyone in my immediate family has remained healthy and happy, more or less. No deaths! We're all going strong. :)
-I went on an amazing trip to the British Isles. The experiences I had there will stick with me for my entire life. :) I had fun, learned history, became independent, and realized that I can always work my way through the troubles life throws me. Keep calm & carry on, right?
-Despite setbacks, I was hired at Fort Edmonton in the funnest job I have yet to have. Where else would you be able to dress in costume and talk to people all day about fascinating subjects? Learn to light fires with flint and steel, and cook meals with wild game in cauldrons on fireplaces? I learned valuable skills that will serve me well in the case of civilization-destroying apocalypses in 2012. ;)

Things I am anxious about for the coming new year:
-Jobs jobs jobs. I have an almost guaranteed job at Fort Ed for the summer, but what am I to do for a career? I'm going to apply for grad school for the year afterwards, but in what program? Decisions, decisions... 
-I do feel a bit lonely at times. I mean, I have a very loving family and some very good friends, but I have to say I wouldn't mind meeting a special someone. Until last year, I never really understood that old adage: "all the good men are gay or taken." This year I found out that damn, that is so true! D: Still, I hold out hope. :)

Things to look forward to in the new year:
-During the second week of January, I get to be an extra in the short film "Northern Lights"! It's a ten minute movie that they're filming for the new Capitol Theatre they're constructing at Fort Edmonton which will serve as an introduction to the park and to Edmonton's history: it's to tell 10,000 years of the history of the area in 10 minutes. I'm going to be one of the extras in the background of the fur trade era scenes. :) I'll have to skip a class to do it, and there's apparently going to be a ridiculously early start time (like 7:30 in the morning at a place that's nearly an hour a way from my home during rush hour), but it will be entirely worth it. :)
-As of sometime in the next year, my little brother would have been in remission for five years straight, which means that he will be effectively "cured" of cancer! :D Huzzah and well-wishes for my brother dearest!
-While this could (and is) also placed up above under the "anxieties" list, this year will also be the year that I figure out what I'm doing with my life. Probably. :) So that's something.
-I have two very good novel ideas floating around in my brain right now. I'm not going to wait for November: I'm going to actually write them, I've vowed to myself. I'll work on them in between working on my thesis and doing other things. :) Which brings me to...

New Year's Resolutions. As I did so well on last year's resolution, I will have several this year:
-Keep up the exercise! I'll keep doing push-ups, and I will endeavour to do at least three days of intense exercise a week: that's swimming sessions, jogs, etc. I may join the fencing club or take up Tai Chi with Cassidy dearest. :)
-Stop chewing my nails. It's a horrible habit I've had for as long as I can remember. It's not as bad as some people, but I'm self-conscious about it and I want it to stop. Must resist...
-Be more confident in myself. Be more personable. Stay positive. I generally am an optimist, and I hope to stay that way. 
-WRITING WRITING WRITING. I'm going to try to be a more prolific writer. I've got my thesis to work on, but also those novel ideas as well as several fanfic in the works. I endeavour to FINISH some of these stories floating around on my hard drive. Also, schoolwork. 

Hopefully, these aren't unreasonable resolutions! ;) I love you all! Happy New Year!

 I've been working on my homework today, mainly that four way book review for a class I'm taking with my honour's research supervisor. It's not as terrible as it sounds: you pick four books on the same topic and compare and contrast how they're addressed. I picked American Women's roles in the Second World War, and I've finished reading the books and I'm working on an outline now. I really just have to sit down and write it... and finish it, of course, two days before it's due because some twit has recalled one of the four books and it's due back several days before the paper is due... and I would hate to suddenly need to look up something in a book that's in someone else's hands and isn't available online anywhere.

But that's not what I'm feeling panicky about: several other things are making my stomach get all knotted up. 

What prompted this? I quickly checked my school e-mail after my break for lunch (I have Fridays off... to do homework!), and I had received an e-mail whose subject like was "spring convocation". "Huzzah!", thought I, thinking that my application to graduate had gone through.

...Not quite. I'm apparently missing one course's worth of credit in something called "Group 3". I have everything else covered: my artsy-fartsy credits, my science credits, my second-language credits, more history credits than you can shake a stick at... but not enough in "group 3". The only hint as to what else I could take was that the half of the credits I needed for that were in a Political Science course from my time in France.

In big bold red letters, the e-mail told me that as it was I was not good to graduate in Spring.

This was me, inside:


Luckily, there was a toll-free number at the bottom of the e-mail so I called up a nice (if bored-sounding) lady to ask what I could possibly take. I'm waiting to hear back from her at the moment: she's promised to e-mail me the huge list of courses I can take to complete the credit in something called "breadth of diversity". Apparently poli sci, anthropology, economics, and a bunch of other things are on that list. I'm still trying not to panic. I mean, I'm only registered in three scheduled courses next semester (plus my thesis, which isn't a scheduled class), so I shall hopefully have space. I'm just feeling anxious. It could be for nothing. Maybe I can take Anthropology 101 and be fine. I think I can easily fit another course into my schedule, especially on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Hopefully.

This panic is related to the horror I felt at getting a poor mark on a big assignment in my introduction to translation class (9/15, or a C-, on a deceptively easy assignment worth FIFTEEN PERCENT of my final course mark). See, I'm in the honour's programme, so if my GPA dips below a certain average, or any one mark is below a certain point (I think that it's the equivalent of a B or B+), I will fail out of the programme. I don't have enough credits to complete a French minor, so I'd have to take at least another semester to complete my degree. I don't think that it has come to that, but... yeah. ANXIETY. (Most history profs know who the honours history students are, and unless you get a ridiculously low mark in their class they don't want to be the dick that kicks you out of the programme, but the translation professor is in a completely different faculty and may have no such compunctions.)

It's also related to the fact that I'm terrified of my future. I don't have anything planned for next year. Nothing confirmed. What I really need to do is go about and apply for a bunch of jobs, hopefully abroad. I'm right now tossing around the idea of applying for this paid internship at the Smithsonian Institution in the states, or possibly this tour guide job at the Vimy Ridge memorial in France. I want to improve my French, you see, and get out in the world before I leap into another degree. Next week I plan to visit the "study abroad" office in HUB to see what they have on offer for work abroad programmes. 

I also feel anxious because my original plan was to take a year off and go on the JET programme to get teaching experience and then go into education, but I'm not sure if that's what I want anymore. Maybe the latter. My twin sister just applied for JET, and asked me why I wasn't - I had totally forgotten about it. Maybe I was discouraged because I've heard so much about how difficult it is to get into the programme without any teaching experience... which my sister has. If she doesn't get in, then I had no chance. 

Right now, I'm planning on taking a year off after getting this degree (PLEASE LET ME GRADUATE) before deciding if Grad school is really what I want to do. My current thought processes/options are as follows, after my year off:
-apply for grad school, get a masters in history, become a professor (which would be cool, but jobs will be thin on the ground until more and more profs retire in five years or so)
-apply for a translation school in Ottawa, become a French-English translator (hinges on me becoming more comfortable in my French language skills)
-look into things like diplomacy, and what you need for that. Probably more political science courses.
-maybe go and get a two-year after degree in education and just work as a teacher? They get summers off, at least?
-WHO KNOWS MAYBE I SHOULD JUST JOIN THE ARMY THEY HAVE GUARANTEED JOBS POSSIBLY.

Also, somewhere in there I need to become a famous author and live off of royalties from my books for the rest of my life.

*flaily hands*

*MUST GO AND MAKE TEA*

 So I had a lovely day today! ... Until I finished up my day's activities to learn that I'd gotten a $50 parking ticket for parking in front of a friend's house downtown. :P I didn't want to pay the $10 for three hours it would cost to park in the official parking lots on campus, and assumed that it was fine because I knew the person (and her parents!)... but no. :P The cops patrol the area frequently, apparently. 

But otherwise I had a decent day! I had to drive downtown for a meeting with Edmonton Immigration Services Association (EISA) with whom I volunteer, and a friend of mine who also volunteers for them came with me back to campus so we could go to this super-awesome peachy keen anthropology lecture on excavating vampire graves in Greece. You know, how rural folk would "desecrate" bodies of suspected vampires by doing things like driving metal stakes through the skull, chest and pelvis? Anyway, it was a fascinating lecture to attend... and also included free Hallowe'en candy! :D The room was packed.

I then took the Metro downtown to meet with Maria, the Peruvian woman who needs help improving her oral English (my EISA client). We had tea on Churchill Square at a café called the Three Bananas, and had loads of fun talking. She also gave me some chocolate as a thank-you gift. :) I left with a warm fuzzy feeling

...And then I when back to my car near campus and it all went crashing down when I saw that parking ticket under my windshield wiper. :/ Thanks, City of Edmonton! 

I mean, I realize that I was in the wrong, and I gambled, but... I'm unemployed, man! And I had been having a wonderful day until this really brought my down. :( I loved that lecture, but it wasn't worth $50, you know? And now I feel angry with EISA of all things for insisting upon a meeting every three weeks to discuss problems that I don't actually have (it's an awesome program), forcing me to drive there and then to campus when I would normally take the bus for free with my student transit pass. :P One bit of negativity begets more negativity.

Meh. I'm going to head off in 15 minutes to twitch, groan and be creepy. Maybe that will help me feel better.

Also, LJ just ate my post. Curses! But maybe I'll write this next version in a less negative light.

In short, I feel crappy. ... Or, at least, like a horrible daughter/sister/whatever. Okay, here's how it goes:

My father made it safely to Delhi to compete in the Commonwealth Games. Huzzah! No complaints there. He happens to be flying back home on the same day that my mother and brother, Ian, are leaving for a trip to England. They're going to be visiting my mum's mum and doing some sightseeing in London and in Scotland. My sister and I aren't going because we're poor miserable fourth year university students and will be in the middle of midterm exams and embroiled in research papers. We've mostly gotten over it; this will be a mother-son trip. No real complaints there.

So dad will be arriving at the Edmonton airport around the same time that Ian and mum's flight leaves. They may or may not see each other actually at the airport. Now, what's the most logical thing to do? Have either Danielle (my sister) or I drive Ian and mum down there and stick around for an hour or so while dad clears customs and then drive him back home.

Now, on any other day - or even later in that same day - I would be totally up for this. It's a bit of a hike down to the airport, what with construction, but it would only take about an hour, maybe an hour and a half of driving (one way). So what with hanging around the airport waiting for dad this would be about a four hour endeavour, door-to-door. Again, I would normally have no problem being the dutiful daughter/chauffeur.

Danielle can't do it; she's moved out, and needs the money this scheduled eight hour shift she has will bring her. I totally respect that. She can't change her shift, although she's willing, as she's already changed her schedule twice recently with a cranky boss. Then there's her coworkers on vacation, short-staffed-ness, etc.,etc., I understand. I should be the one to do this.

BUT this is the date of the Bellerose anime festival, our local convention. It's one of the most comfortable and amicable conventions that I've ever been to. I've invited folks to come out, and I want to make things up to my good friend with whom I'm doing a group cosplay for not being there for her at animethon when her skirt malfunctioned. We only got a single group shot at a three day convention in August.

But in the grand scheme of things, what's more important? Myself attending an anime festival, or all of this? I feel completely selfish. Mum was talking about taking a taxi, and they're ridiculously expensive.

Right now the plan is for me to drop mum & Ian off at a hotel in downtown Edmonton for the shuttle bus to the airport, which is about a quarter of the price of a taxi. This means that I'll arrive a few hours late for the festival, but I see no problem with that. I just feel like a dick because dad will have to take a taxi home after a really long flight. Mum's other plan was to drive herself and Ian to the airport and either chase down dad before they board somehow to toss him the keys, or leave the keys at the info desk. So many things could go wrong with that scenario.

I still feel selfish. But it'll probably be my last day of fun before exams finish in December, guys. I'll have too many midterms and readings and papers and things to do to have a full day of actual fun. And if I do end up missing out on this festival I feel like I'll be terrible company and bitter for weeks on top of not being about to go on this trip. Piss.

Oh man oh man - departure date is coming up quickly! Something inside me is panicking very quietly...

I'm trying not to stress too much about packing. I mean, I'm going to the British Isles, not Uganda; as long as I have my money(cash/debit/credit/whatever), my passport, and my camera (& its charger), I can acquire everything else. So if I forget to pack socks or toiletry-X or whatever, it's not THAT big a deal. I can acquire it with little difficulty. Right? Right. Okay.

Maybe I feel stressed and anxious because a certain Icelandic volcano has shot my confidence in the airline system. I mean, I was AROUND for the September 11th attacks. I lived in Kingston, which houses a sizable Canadian military base just north of New York State, so there were several days of panicked "OMG WE COULD BE NEXT!!!" which may have been puffing up our own self-importance, but maybe not... Canadians are like Americans in disguise, amirite? :P Anyway, but I was in grade SEVEN at the time, and I hardly ever flew anywhere except in the summertime, and school had just started, so I wasn't affected like, at all, by the groundings and panic about planes and so on.

Now, though? This is too close for comfort. Before April, I lived in a world in which I'd book a flight, and I'd fly out on the date that was on my ticket. Maybe there'd be a few hours delay, especially in the wintertime with snowstorms, but the point is? Only rarely were flights outright cancelled, in my world.

Now, I'm not so sure. I gave up an amazing summer job to go on this trip. I will actually cry if it gets cancelled or delayed in any way. I don't think I'll completely relax until I'm at my hostel in Dublin, meeting my friends. Until then? Stress! D:

An update on the job situation, everyone! I've done the typical Canadian thing, when faced with a difficult choice - compromise.

(I should mention that the Hotel Selkirk interview was a bust - very short, because they can't acommodate my vacation schedule. But I anticipated that, and I hadn't gotten my hopes up. BUT I send my sister their way, so they may hire her instead! So yay, silver lining?)

I have yet to hear back from Professor Muir re: the research assistant position. I still needed to get back really fast re: the Antique Photo Parlour, or I would perhaps face the possibility of having NO job over the summer.

It came down to: the Antique Photo Parlour is a sure thing. I will enjoy my summer with them. I will learn new skills (portrait-taking), and I will have job security (AKA I can have a job over the school year as well, and won't be jobless and anxious like this past year).

THEN I thought: well, what's stopping me from holding down both jobs? Answer: the week-long archival research trip. Which is only a possibility - it may not even be necessary, what with the huge numbers of digitized documents and the fact that the University of Alberta is plugged into one of the largest library networks in North America. Plus, our own archives aren't too shabby either. Coupled with the fact that the research assistant position has extremely flexible hours... I could theoretically work both. Like, not working 9am-5pm shifts in the library, but four hours here, six hours there, and more time on my "days off" from the Antique Photo Parlour.

And that's IF I get the research assistant position, which isn't a surety.

So I went with the safe (and fun!) option: the Antique Photo Parlour (while keeping my options open for the other position).

I just wanted to thank everyone for all of your advice. I'm not going to lie: this was a really difficult decision to make. I think that you all made very good points... nd I myself was torn, a bit, because someone would convince me very nicely, and then I'd read the next person's comment only to be completely convinced of the OPPOSITE opinion. ;) Still, it's what I needed.

So... yeah. Bottom line is I have a summer job! Maybe two! We'll see how this pans out. :) Than you once again, guys!

(Man, do I feel so much better after having made an actual DECISION... That's a weight off of my chest. Maybe now I can actually enjoy my summer?)